Redish Equine Journal

I began riding horses in 4th grade. It took one trail ride out in Wyoming to get me hooked. Back on the East Coast, I started taking lessons at a pasture-boarding only barn, so there was no “barn atmosphere.” After learning how to ride English, I moved to a legitimate barn, and all of the sudden the tension just seeped into the air. You can smell the judgement. You can taste the disapproval. You can feel the eyes of the girls looking you up and down.

What is all of that about? Who instilled the unspoken in-barn competition? How many times have you heard, “Well my horse can do X.” “And my horse would never do Y.” “Oh you shouldn’t do that because one time my old trainer told me Z.”

It’s exhausting.

Here are a few reasons why I believe there is a lot of toxicity and snarky equestrians who create barn drama:

1. Money.

The equestrian world is one of the most expensive sports to participate in. Ever heard of or been a working student? Barns constantly make deals with riders because many families or riders cannot afford lessons. Long story short, there’s a lot of rich people involved. When money gets involved….things get….stickier. The tack, the horses, the facilities, and other items and acts involved with horseback riding are very expensive. When you work with expensive things, you get overly cautious people worried about you breaking them — especially the horses!

2. Liability.

Horseback riding is not only an expensive sport, but it is, obviously, a dangerous one. Trainers, especially trainers with no insurance, know their riders can get hurt. Barn owners know their staff and clients can get injured. If your trainer is yelling at you to put on a helmet, she’s not toxic — she’s looking out for you. If the barn owner tells you firmly to lead a horse properly, it’s for your safety. There are always polite ways to go about things, and I believe every equestrian should address each other kindly, however, when risk and danger is involved, people’s care for each other turns into urgency…which can feel rude. Next time someone says something to you that rubs you the wrong way, ask yourself, “are they trying to help or protect me?”

3. Young equestrians who turn into adult equestrians.

Ever met that one girl at your barn who thinks she’s better than everyone else? Well guess what — she grows up into an adult. Ever met that trainer that was incredibly rude and condescending towards you? Guess what — that trainer was most likely that girl. If your trainer doesn’t create a positive environment for you, you should probably leave that barn and find a kinder barn home. Your barn should be your safe place — your heart shouldn’t start beating faster when that one girl or your trainer walks by you.
Listen to your gut and leave if you need to. I promise you’ll advance much faster in a loving environment.

4. “I know more than you.”

How many times have you heard these lines:
“I’ve been riding for 2 years so I’m more advanced than that girl.”
“My horse is the prettiest and smartest and most awesomest horse in the barn.”
“You can’t ride my favorite lesson horse like I can.”
“This horse likes me the most.”
I could go on and on. Just ignore these comments. Most of them are coming from children anyway.

5. Human nature in competition.

It’s human nature to be competitive. When you get to showgrounds, it’s natural to want to hold yourself a little bit higher than your competition. However, when you become unsportsmanlike and have a bad attitude, then you’re the problem. Show grounds should be competitive, but that doesn’t give anyone a right to be a jerk.
Aside from showgrounds, the barn you’re in every week taking lessons from should not feel like showgrounds. Your barn is supposed to feel like a supportive family!

Some tips for navigating the horse world through its headaches:

1. Confidence is key.

Despite the nasty things that can happen in barns, remind yourself of what you have accomplished and walk around your barn like you have a right to be there — because you do! And remember, it’s okay to not know something — nobody knows everything. Someone is always going to know more than you, and someone is always going to know less than you — that goes for the equestrian world and life. The smartest person in the room is the first to admit that they don’t know everything — that’s true confidence.

2. Be helpful and remain respectful.

Don’t be the “I know more than you” girl. Be kind about how you approach someone who is doing something wrong or needs help. And if you don’t know the answer to someone who needs help, don’t pretend like you do. Find someone who does and learn with others.

3. Find a trainer you can trust and commends you for your accomplishments.

As I’ve mentioned above, your trainer is supposed to help you become a stronger rider mentally and physically. A lot of trainers lose sight or have never understood the mental side of riding — it’s equally as important! Find a trainer who can train you to be a mentally and physically great horseback rider.

4. No matter what people tell you, it’s okay to make mistakes.

This is a hard concept to accept because you are surrounded by expensive, dangerous animals. People don’t want you to make mistakes. But you are growing and it is okay. Do not beat yourself up for making an honest mistake. Find a different trainer or barn if they don’t accept your mistakes. They still make them too, and everyone will continue to make them!